I have declared one too many times that my life feels like a battle between reality vs expectations and not head over heart. It just occurred to me though that humans aren’t the only ones who expect one thing and get the other. Vampires aren’t immune to life’s little disappointments as well. Its not always about super strength, speed and that ravishing vampire sex. I m thinking it’s all fun and games until someone gets hepatitis😂
It was getting late. It always does. I ambled my way back home after the ward duty. Tired. Exhausted. Low battery- something my smartphone and the not so smart me often had in common. So no music today. Perfect. My home is at six songs walk away from the teaching hospital I am posted at. Which is okay, but it can get drudgerous without any music to keep me distracted. So I just fantasized about the jacuzzi I plan to buy the first thing I get rich. Exactly the kind of motivation that works for me. What was that…something brushed against my shoulder. I turn. Nothing. Nobody. Again, against the other shoulder. I turn. Nope. Strange. I was about to continue walking but there he was. Right in front of me. He looked straight out of Twilight with that perfectly done messy hair. Or from The Vampire Diaries…judging from that sinful jawline of his. Maybe he’s from The Originals…because I am expecting a seriously sexy accent at this point. Wow, that is way too many teen vampire series I had allowed myself to watch obsessively during med school. Even I am judging myself. I looked straight into his eyes, not showing any signs of fangirl (always mentally practiced for such situations). I contemplated whether I should do a clumsy Bella or a sassy Katherine. But my 4 years of med school got the better of me. I ended up noticing few signs. Crap. Romance kill.
“Your sclera is icteric.” I blurted out.
He moved closer.
“Your skin isn’t sparkling. It’s…jaundiced.”
He slowly sniffed me. I swear it was seductive when it happened.
“You haven’t been eating. Anorexia”
Another step closer. Checking out my badass sexy clavicles. Or my carotids. This isn’t good.
“I know what you are.”
He wispers close to my ears. “Say it.”
Fear starts trickling in.
I swallowed hard. This can get tricky.
“Say it!” He’s intimidating.
Me- “A hepatitis B patient.”
Hot sick vampire- “Then ask me the most basic question. How did I get this?”
Me- *rolls eye* You got to be kidding me! What do you mean how did you get hepB? What else is expected if you keep sucking the blood of random strangers with those fangs of yours? Not the best habit you got there mister! Looking at that hepatomegaly I bet your AST ALT must be off the roof. And you probably have more HBeAg and HBsAg in your system than the maximum amount of vervain you ever challenged yourself to. Looks like the one to convert you didn’t bother with the hepatitis vaccination. That should be made mandatory by the Volturi, you know? Or you could go running to the Mystic Falls witches for it.
You think you’re hot? Not with that doubtful status of HIV. I can tell you’re alien to the very idea of HAART let alone Post Exposure Prophylaxis. So much for being a thousand years old. How do you even scare people when you yourself are a walking mess of blood transfusion reactions gone horribly wrong in there. I know you’re not exclusive to any particular blood group. Good luck with that never ending hemolysis. How’s that for some immortality huh?
“I don’t want to be a monster, my family, we think of ourselves as vegetarians, cause we only survive on the blood of animals.
It’s like a human only living on tofu, it keeps you strong, but you’re never fully satisfied.”
Me- *bursts out laughing* You’ll make me crap my pants if you keep that kind of logic coming😂😂😂😂. So just rabbits is it? Does Tularemia, Hantavirus, Lymphocytic chorioretinitis, Salmonella ever ring a bell to you? You just ruined tofu for me.
So listen up buddy. You might wanna take a step back and worry about your blood borne diseases. Get few labs done maybe. Seduce me some other time. I gotta focus on USMLE as of now.
There there, don’t look upset. Tell you what..if I clear it, drinks on me. Wait. No.
*struts away like a boss*